Bad Blogger Days

It's been a few weeks since my last post. Sorry, I have been a neglectful blogger! These past few weeks have been hectic because as stated in my previous post, my grandfather had another stroke and was in the hospital. He sadly passed away last week and we had his funeral on Saturday. It was quite the sad week and I am still coming to terms with his death. I am not used to dealing with sickness and death, it seems so surreal to me. When I found out about the death last Tuesday morning, I felt like a tinman because I didn't even cry. We knew it was coming, but I didn't expect myself to be so emotionless. It wasn't until the end of the week when things were coming together that it actually hit me. When I saw the memorial page online, when I was writing my eulogy, when I went to his house to sort through some things...that's when it really hit me. That is when I started to get more emotional. Saturday was a terribly sad day for the whole family. A lot of people showed up, most of them whom I didn't know but all seem to know who I was! It was awkward, but I think with all of the family together it helped us get through it easier.
Death is never easy. And people deal with it on their own terms. Some people avoid it, don't talk about it or even deny it. Some people are very emotional and need the support of others. And some people like to deal with it individually, alone and in silence. I think what helped me find closure was writing the eulogy. I feel as though it gave me some sort of closure to the whole situation. It gave me the opportunity to really reflect on our relationship and what it has done for me. It was hard to get through it on Saturday, but I had my aunt and cousin by my side to make it bearable.
I will miss my grandfather very much. It's hard to believe he is really gone. I am just glad he is not suffering anymore. It seems like it had been years since I had a decent conversation with him. It's so sad what strokes can do to a person. It's not fun. :(
And so now, in the wake of his death, our family will have to stay strong together for my grandmother to make sure she stays healthy and happy. I will do my best to visit her at least once every 2 weeks to check up on her. Family is important. At the end of the day, they are all you have. Remember that.